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Archive for December, 2012

The TINKERERS!


In TINKERERS, there are different types of TINKERERS, there are those TINKERERS who work on the ‘body’ of the vehicle; those who work on the ‘running board’; those who work on the ‘floor’ and then those who specialize on the UNDER CHASSIS of the vehicle!

So just as GILLETTE had conducted a ‘survey’ on whether women prefer clean shaven  men to men with moustache or a stubble, i also decided to conduct my survey with the TINKERERS as to which of these TINKERERS preferred to sport a moustache or a stubble and those who did not prefer to! The sample for this survey was limited to those who were in the profession of  TINKERING only, therefore i had to choose a terrain where a lot of vehicles are still sent for tinkering. Since most of the terrain in Kerala is closer to the sea coast, than any other state in India, i decided to do my survey in Kerala.

The data collected by me is available in my archives, but certain ‘TRUTHS’, as perceived by me were inferred, extracted and are in the process of being published!

The crucial questions which were asked to all the TINKERERS were as follows:

1. Whether they prefer to sport a moustache or stubble on their face, and if so why?

2. Whether their spouses/girl friends preferred them to sport a moustache/stubble, and if so why?

Kuttappan Vazhaparambil, who was a body tinkerer, said that both he and his wife preferred him sporting a moustace and he added that his wife Omana was keen on him having his moustache thick and big and with a glint in his eyes had told me that Omana  would twirl the ends of his moustache and make then so pointed that she would prick that end on her soft cheeks and get into a giggle! It sure was embarrassing for me to hear all that, but considering the IMPORTANT nature of the survey, i listened to Kuttappan with a poker face.

Muttappan Chakkaparambil, was a running board tinkerer. His trade had equipped him with the skill to place the pre-bent running board and weld them with the body and ensure that the joints are smoothly melded. It was a delight  for me to hear him say that when he does the side-board tinkering, he has to turn his eyes from the area of joint and feel it with his fingers to see it the joints have been smoothed out, so that when the painting is done, the area of joints do not show! He also said that he as well as his wife preferred him sporting a moustache . He further added that he felt that the mouch was a sign of manliness and a display of his youth- as he was young and his hairs had not greyed!

Vattappan Maamparambil, was the floor-board TINKERER and his job was to cut open the rusted floor board in the vehicle and place a piece of steel board and weld it into the slot and as there was not much visibility to his floor, he was not that skilled. Even he and his wife preferred him sporting a moustache.

So finally, i met Chussan Thennamparambil, who was an UNDER CHASSIS TINKERER! He had a PECULIAR job to perform- he had to go under the vehicle and had to do the cutting, placing the pieces, welding them and smoothing the ends. Further, he had to work in the dark underside. This had equipped him with skills to work in the dark by merely feeling with his fingers. So, he was asked about his preference and he said that he and his girlfriend preferred him without a moustache or stubble. When asked for the reasons, he said: See saar, i have to work in the under chassis and while welding, cutting, scraping or rubbing the dust particles would fall on my face and if i had a moustache the dusty particles would stay despite my washing and cleaning my face.  So, my girl friend and i came to the conclusion that i clean shave myself before going to work and also after returning from UNDER CHASSIS TINKERING!

So based on the data collected by our team, financially assisted by Masu-chews-its Institute of Technology, we contacted all the UNDER CHASSIS TINKERERS in all the garages in India and the finding was UNIQUE and AMAZING- THAT ALL UNDER CHASSIS TINKERERS WERE NOT ONLY CLEAN SHAVEN BUT WERE ALSO SHAVING BEFORE AND AFTER UNDER CHASSIS WORK. So, we promoted a brand of blades/shaving system specifically designed for UNDER CHASSIS TINKERERS and branded them as JILLET! So we had to advertize also, therefore we engaged a copy writer who came up with a brilliant baseline: FOR THOSE WHO WORK FROM UNDER! This new brand is positioned to take on SHAVE OR CRAVE of Gillette! The market survey conducted so far also shows that anyone who is employed in jobs where dust could fall on his face should use JILLET, as there is a strip of soap on the razor which would clean his upper lip while shaving!

What an analysis my friends, this JILLET brand’s advertisement might look ridiculous, but we hope to capture the market as there are many UNDER CHASSIS TINKERERS in this country and they love the study we have done before we launched this FUNCTIONAL PRODUCT, A word of caution though is that all men who want to use JILLET, should be CLEAN SHAVEN and have a unisexified face! Only then they qualify to use JILLET- FOR THOSE WHO WORK FROM UNDER!

Good luck to all those moronic claims made by the razor companies, which show as if WOMEN’s choice influences MEN’s choice! Shave or Crave- Crave for what?: For those self-centred women who have nothing much to do than believe in bestowing sexual favours on those who shave twice with Gillette? Let us not promote products based on false, motivated and financed statistics!

Get real GILLETTE or else JILLET will trounce you and do the tinkering!!

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King David & Berlusconi!


As per the Old Testament of the Bible, King David when he was stricken with age, was provided for with a ‘YOUNG‘ virgin to cause heat to his body. One ought to read the King James Version to get to the poetic expression, which is excerpted as follows from I Kings 1 chapter verses 1-4:

1 Now king David was old and stricken in years; and they covered him with clothes, but he gat no heat.

Wherefore his servants said unto him, Let there be sought for my lord the king a young virgin: and let her stand before the king, and let her cherish him, and let her lie in thy bosom, that my lord the king may get heat.

So they sought for a fair damsel throughout all the coasts of Israel, and found Abishag a Shunammite, and brought her to the king.

And the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not.

The words which drew my curiosity were “YOUNG VIRGIN” and “KNEW HER NOT”! King David must have been around 70 years of age when this episode took place. It is not clear whether Ms Abishag was able to produce enough heat by “lying in his bosom”! Nevertheless Abishag’s story does not end there, subsequent to the death of King David, Adonijah, the son of David and Haggith wanted to marry her and needed the permission of the then King, Solomon. Haggith being the co-wife to Bathsheba, the uterine mother of King Solomon, approached Bathsheba and requested for the hand of Abishag on behalf of Adonijah. The bizarre developments which take place at this request borders on the internecine succession battles of the prince siblings: King Solomon tells his mother as follows:

And king Solomon answered and said unto his mother, And why dost thou ask Abishag the Shunammite for Adonijah? ask for him the kingdom also; for he is mine elder brother; ……  (I KINGS 2:22)

I have dealt with, what could possibly have been the motives for King Solomon linking Abishag with the kingdom of Israel, in an earlier blog.

In the present context, when i read the news item which said that Mr. Berlusconi, was to marry a lady 48 years his junior, it set my mind thinking on the heat generating concept promoted by the servants of King David! What is interesting about Berlusconi and differentiates him from King David is that Berlusconi has not waited till his body has stopped producing “HEAT”, instead has made arrangements ON HIS OWN in the name of MARRIAGE! Our PLAYBOY owner HUGH HEFNER, who must be beyond his seventies, also wanted to marry a YOUNG LADY and in the last few days before the scheduled date, the wedding was called off!

In the meanwhile there have been a spate of GAY MARRIAGES, both in the US and in the UK. So the definition and purpose of MARRIAGE have not merely changed, but people have started  making their own arrangements with companions and bringing those relationships under the umbrella of marriage!

When the old E V Ramasami Naicker, wanted to marry his helper Maniammai, there was a huge furore in the Dravida Kazhagam and some were of the opinion why a old man at that age had to have ‘PRURIENT” thoughts? It was presumed that marriage by an old man was ONLY FOR THE PURPOSE OF ‘CAPTIVE’ SEX!

But now i am happy and somewhat relieved that the society has accepted not only marriages between an old man and a young lady but between same sex also. Thereby the society appears to have matured to look at marriage as something which is beyond SEX and CHILDREN!

I for one am happy for BERLUSCONI, as i see him as a person who has concealed his tax commitments more than his liaisons! Whether the MARRIAGE would still have an ‘exclusivity of sex’ clause, would be interesting to watch. If the future Mrs. Berlusconi also decides to receive wild oats like her husband had been known for sowing earlier, Clarke Gable’s memorable line in GONE WITH THE WIND: “Who might the happy father be?” might be the answer to watch out for!

Long live mighty age-gap and gender indifferent marriages!

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